Moving with Children by Shelley Hopkins

Lessons learned from moving

            My husband and I have moved many times during our 28 years of marriage.  First we moved from one apartment to another, then from town to town, and finally to new states.  We have purchased 4 homes over the years, but we are living at our 15^th address, 16^th if you count the camper we lived in for a couple of months.  We have lived in 4 states, NC, GA, WV and SC.  Most of this moving was done with children, as a typical busy family.

            A few things I have learned involve moving with children.  It is important to prepare them, but depending on the age it is best not to start too soon.  We read books on moving, and talked about the new location.  We tried to help them understand that nothing important changes.  The family will stay the same, just in a different building. 

            We let them pack a special box of their favorite toys and a bag or backpack with their most important possessions.  The box they labeled or watched me label so they would understand that this box belonged to them and would be waiting for them in the new home.  The bag they could keep with them, so that while they could see the house being packed up, they knew where the favorite toy or book was.

            When my daughter was little she had a fear that when our things went into boxes we would never see them again.  She thought we were going to start out in our new home with nothing.  Having her special bag at least insured that the stuffed animal she slept with would always be by her side. 

            We homeschooled our children, and I remember that before and after a move their schoolwork suffered.  Sometimes their behavior was less than great, and it seemed like they fought more and cried more during this time.   Moving is stressful and can be especially hard on children.

            Moving with teenagers can be very difficult.  Teens are struggling to find their place in the world, and now they are being asked to pick up and start over.  Parents need to be especially sensitive to the emotional toll moving can cause.  It is tempting to try to smooth over their worries by promising everything will be the same.  It will not be the same.  It may be better or worse, but it will not be the same.  New adventures await, but to reach them old adventures have to end.  It may be hard for older children and teens to make friends, and it will take time.  Expect some tears.  Be understanding, and know that it will get better.  Encourage them to become involved in activities, clubs, sports, or volunteer work.  Reaching out to help others is a great way to move away from our own problems.

            Try to build special memories in the new home.  Have a fancy meal together, find and enjoy new walks, discover cool little shops nearby.   Let the kids choose their own paint colors, even if the walls end up bright orange with periwinkle blue.

            For me a house begins to feel like a home after we have entertained guests, celebrated birthdays, and decorated for the holidays.  Shared memories make a house a home.